Unschooling is NOT for most

Why we discourage it.

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Unpopular opinion coming…I am not a fan of Unschooling 100% and I’m even less of a fan of Radical Unschooling. I am sure this will come as a surprise for many of you as our family has integrated aspects of Unschooling into our education which may have led some to think we are straight-up Unschoolers. Unschooling is NOT for most, but when done well (in my opinion) it is the best education a child can get. However, after almost 10 years of full-time travel and meeting 100s of alternative educated kids and facilitators across the globe from developing to westernized countries, I can say that I have personally only seen a handful where the child is happy, thriving and their passion needs are being met. Most students are left to facilitate their passion with little to no help from the parent who often holds the key to the resources or they are on the parent's agenda disguised as a child-led education. 

So, what led me to have such a “line in the sand” stance on Unschooling?

Let’s rewind a bit with our backstory. When Will and I first heard the term Unschooling well over a decade ago we were intrigued, to say the least, but clearly, it went against everything we had experienced and been taught about education. Will was educated in private, Catholic, all-boys institutions his entire life in Miami. I attended rural, local schools in a small paper mill town in Maine, both in the USA. Unschooling was the furthest from anything our minds could process, but we had recently taken our kids out of the public system for an education style that aligned more with our goals so exploring Unschooling did not feel totally foreign. Their new school was an International French school in Boston which we absolutely loved and they thrived in. All that being said we still questioned an institutionalized education in a brick-and-mortar setting that was one size fits all, rinse and repeat. Even to this day we continue to question education and are continually trying new ways to educate that enable each child’s unique natural curiosities. 

The high-level definition of Unschooling is a child-centered and child-interest-led education with the parent as the facilitator, even though it is often referred to as the “no school” education (which does exist in some families and not in others). When properly executed it is child-led, meaning if the child wants school or workbooks or structure the parent (aka facilitator) makes it available to them. If the child wants something less structured the parents make this available to them as well. However, from what we have seen, in most cases, this means “no school” as the parent is encouraging this route and it is not until high school that some students decide they want something different in order to obtain certain education and career goals. 

Sounds fabulous, right? How many subjects did you study in school that were soul-sucking? 90% of them? Imagine solely learning about what inspires you and how that might have changed the trajectory of your life. Would you be living out your wildest dreams in your career instead of counting down the days to retirement? 

Many alternative educators will tell you that they want their kids to be lifelong learners and enjoy the process, but let’s face it if you are not into a subject you will be less inspired to learn about it unless of course it is a means to accomplishing a greater goal and even then it is often hard to see it’s value. So in theory this Unschooling thing should work like magic. 

Who doesn’t want to spend their days learning about their passions, but why does Unschooling so seldom work?

I don’t believe most parents have what it takes to be the facilitator their student needs in Unschooling, myself included because it involves…

1. An Intense Time Commitment: 

This style of education takes A LOT of time. The younger the student the more involvement the parent has to be as the facilitator. The role of the facilitator is to make sure the student has access to those areas they are passionate about. When we lived in Ecuador we were part of an Ecuadorian alternative education community. We met every Friday for a potluck lunch, conversation and an area of learning usually taught by one of the parents who was skilled in the subject. This was our first introduction to what many call “homeschooling groups,” and we loved it. The Unschooling parents in this group varied, most were absent facilitators, but there were several who were in that handful of really great Unschoolers I mentioned above. This group actually had the biggest percentage of happy and thriving Unschoolers I have seen in the 8 years of global travel since then. One Friday morning a mom was explaining to a new Unschooling dad how she facilitated her son’s desire to learn more about Architecture when he was 7. In no particular order she: ordered buildables online, watched documentaries on the subject with him, met with a college professor of architecture and an architecture firm, took him on field trips to visit and learn about local architecture, read books, enrolled him in a class, and honestly, she kept going on and on. He was 7 and exploring his passion would not have been possible without this amazing facilitator, his mom. But, she has not been the norm, she was a unicorn.

I do believe every Unschooling parent of a young child starts off with grand and honorable intentions, but this is a huge undertaking and frankly almost impossible. I love the idea of Unschooling, however I know that it would have never been possible for our family with two working parents, even though we worked from home and switched countries frequently with grand adventures sprinkled in here and there which could enhance Unschooling. We have a couple of friends who did it phenomnenally for several years and then returned to a stationary life. They had great promise in being able to do it forever, but they also never denied the amount of commitment it takes from the parent, as well as intense patience that they remarked was unsustainable.

2. A Selfless Agenda:

We have seen this one A LOT. Said student has no interest in traveling or Unschooling, but the parent wants to travel or be a social media influencer (or homesteader, whatever the act) and they drag the student along. The parent is so focused on their own success or happiness that they neglect their responsibility as the facilitator and the student suffers. Critics of Unschooling like to call Unschooling Unparenting and although I don’t like this label I see this type of lack of involvement the most when the parent has an agenda that does not align with the student's interests and curiosities. 

Let’s talk for a minute about Unparenting. There are different levels of Unschooling like any other style of education. There is a style referred to as Radical Unschooling which takes on the mindset that not only should the child have an interest-driven education, but also life-driven. Some Radical Unschoolers have been known to be okay with letting their child eat whatever they want, sleep (or not) whenever they want, game all day, etc., and often when someone uses the term Unparenting it is attached to this style of Radical Unschooling.

When Avalon came to us a decade ago and said she wanted to be homeschooled I was like “hell no, I am not qualified,” and Will said “hell yeah!” For someone who came from a very rigid education style this was shocking, to say the least, but, Will was right! 10 years later Avalon is a happy, smart, and curious university student because Will believed we could educate her. When I started introducing “some” aspects of Unschooling into our eclectic education style he was all in, but he made it very clear that he did not want 100% of their education to be Unschooling. I was never shooting for 100%, but I did want to make sure they had a voice in their education, especially when it came to their passions and that is pretty much how we have operated ever since, with aspects of Unschooling in conjunction with WorldSchooling, Traditional and various others, hence the title Eclectic Schoolers. Some might even say we are Unschoolers because an overwhelming percentage of their learning is child-centered and child-interest-led, but I would not call us straight up Unschoolers as we did have benchmarks along the way that were non-negotiable. For example, language learning was a must, yes, they could pick the teacher and the program, but they could not opt-out 100%.  

Education is the most powerful weapon that you can use to change the world.

~Nelson Mandela 

Where Unschooling falls short

The gaps in education are profound.

Yes, the child is able to explore their passions and I cannot love this enough, however often this is at the expense of losing other very crucial learning points. To touch on a few of the subject areas I see lacking in Unschoolers:

• History. This is the area where I see the greatest harm unless of course the Unschooler is traveling the world and visiting historical sights with a guide, historian, or heavy facilitation. We learn how to NOT repeat history from learning about it. We learn empathy. We learn understanding of people from far-off lands. We learn the true meaning of freedom and lack thereof. A lot of the bad we see in the world and in the USA today supporting inequality is due to poor historical education and I only see this spiraling down more in years to come. History education is crucial now more than ever.

• Health. Mental and physical health are two areas that I see coming up short in Unschooling. Learning self care and understanding for ones mental and physical health very early on in life saves for a lot of heartache later on.

• Religion. This one is huge! Learning about other religions and what it means to be agnostic or atheist. Religion plays a large role in life in the USA, but in many parts of the world it does not, learning about this is crucial in understanding others across the globe and where ones personal beliefs lie. Just an education in one's own religion or even lack thereof is not enough because it keeps us very insular and judgmental. 

• Psychology. The study of minds and behavior. The students passion may be Computer Science and they could live, sleep, eat, and drink life behind a computer, but in reality, they will have to deal with other people and they will have to understand them.

• Community. If we only follow our passion I don’t believe it benefits the greater good of the world. I don’t believe we should only follow a path to benefit others, nor do I believe in a path that only benefits our passions, but at least a 30/70 (70 being the passion) would be better than 100%. Being part of a community is important and not just a community that only believes exactly how we do.

What if the student wants to go to university?

When we left the USA Avalon was barely 10. She went from a private, international, French-taught school in Boston to Eclectic Schooling. We swore off standardized tests, workbooks, boring textbooks, and much more. It was not until her 10th grade year in high school that she decided to take the ACT exam which resulted in a perfect score, a 36. At this point, she realized she was competitive for the top-tier universities and she wanted to give it a shot. She had some catching-up to do to be competitive with her classes, for example, taking APs which at that point we had sworn off as they fell under that standardized category. If Avalon had not been following a college path with her classes in high school already she would have never been able to obtain her goal. Avalon wanted to go into university as a traditional 18-year-old student and as a result there were very specific, check-the-box requirements. Those two years of catching up on only a handful of items were hard on her and we were not even 100% Unschoolers.

Fast forward to Largo, who wants to be a pilot. We started aligning his curriculum to exactly what he needed for the universities he wanted to be competitive with as soon as he knew his passion. If we were Unschooling until grade 12 his options would have been very different and not inline with his goals.

The parenting/facilitator philosophy of an Unschooler is that if the student decides they want to go to college then they will figure it out. And, yes, they can, but it is a lot harder to play catch up. Most students will give up even if it is what they want because it seems out of reach and expensive. Many Unschoolers support the idea of getting themselves into a community college and then going from there which I don’t think is a bad idea unless the student has more specific university goals which would enable them to be top in their field and they are unable as a result of Unschooling.

So how do Avalon and Largo feel about Unschooling? 

During this past summer, we had a very lengthy conversation about Unschooling over lunch one day. We will definitely be interviewing them on our podcast as it is too much to include in this newsletter. However, overwhelmingly they are both very glad we did not Unschool them 100%. I never had profound thoughts against Unschooling until the last couple of years when I took stock of all the families we had met and the happiness, passion, and education level the kids were getting or in most cases, were not living with as young adults. I would never form an opinion upon one year of meeting Unschooling families and only a handful of encounters, but my opinions are based on 9 years of full-time travel and meeting 100s and 100s of families living stationary lives, RVing, backpacking, hiking and sailing all while Unschooling. 

Avalon and Largo’s main reasons for being glad they were not Unschooled:

• Both had an idea (aka passion) of what they wanted to do. 

• Both want to attend a top in their field of study, 4-year, US university at age 18 as a traditional student. 

• Both wanted to get started on their career early and did not want to play catch up at community college. 

• Both wanted a certain level of education in a variety of areas, not just a focus on their passion.

One could say that if Unschooling is child-led and directed wouldn't what our kids did in high school be considered Unschooling? Some would argue yes, but they would not have been able to obtain their goals if we had not added some classes to their curriculum that did not follow their passions. For Largo that would be a very obvious Biology, oh boy did he hate it, and for Avalon Chemistry. They both realized they needed these classes for their path forward, but they definitely did not take them out of passion. Not even close. 

If have read this far and you still want Unschooling 100% percent I would suggest some deeper exploration.

• Have some long chats with adult unschoolers. Are they happy? Do they love learning? Can they financially support themselves? Did everything the facilitator promised come true? Were they able to fully pursue their passions or was there too much lacking in their education that it was impossible to catch up? Do they wish it was done differently? 

• If you go down the Unschooling route look for the deepest and most profound experiences you can get and don’t settle for good enough. We love Outschool, but Outschool is not even close to being comprehensive enough for a student to fully dive into a passion in the name of Unschooling. Outschool serves the purpose of a shallow dive into a curiosity, but if your student has a passion you owe them more effort on your end as the facilitator. See above where I say it is a big time commitment. Be realistic about that from the beginning. There are however amazing programs for specific passions, it just might take some deep diving and a lot of research, Don’t go for the obvious in your face options for Unschooling tools because it probably is not good enough. 

• Consider a hybrid out of the gate. If you like Unschooling do it in conjunction with other styles so you are not burning out and so your student is getting all their needs met. Then if it is working slowly add more Unschooling and reduce other areas. Doing it as a hybrid also gives you balance and a realistic look at how it is sustainable (or not) from a facilitator role. 

In closing, there are unicorn Unschooled students who have crappy facilitators and still thrive, there are also amazing facilitators who are all in with their kids in this path called Unschooling. In most cases we have seen, it does not work and the child suffers, but it can work. As long as a parent/facilitator goes into this education path with realistic expectations and the understanding that they might need to pivot one day then it can be a marvelous experience for both student and facilitator.  

Thank you so much for reading this far. I am guessing there will be some strong opinions on this subject in the comments. I welcome healthy conversation. Maybe you have an Unschooler who is now an adult and thriving in their career and happiness level. Share them, please! Maybe you wish you had not Unschooled, share this too, as we can all learn from each other. Are you on the fence about Unschooling? Why? How can we help? 

xoxo,
Jessica

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India Group Trip! 3 spots left!

Have you always wanted to go to India, but are a bit nervous about going on your own? Then come with us! Don’t put it off any longer as there will be a time in life when it is too late. Currently registered we have a mother and daughter team, a couple and the rest are all solo female travelers. So if you are traveling alone, you won’t really be alone! Every guest except one is a repeat WorldTowning Voyages group trip guest. How cool is that? 

You can find the itinerary, price, and all other details here, but you can also message me (Jessica) for any other questions you might have. Registration will close soon as we need to get our final numbers into our vendors! Don’t wait! It’s India, the one country we have visited that we say everyone should visit in their lifetime. Well, India and NYC! Wink. 

*image from the Block printing class we will take where you can make a rug, apron, shirt, bag, etc. 

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Podcast

It’s coming! We taped 2 podcasts this weekend and once we get five under our belt we will start releasing. Check us out here! Once we upload 3 I will post a new link so you can follow up and get notifications when we start to release! I cannot tell you how darn excited we are to get this project off the table and into your hands, finally.

If you have questions you want us to answer feel free to reach out. We will not be sharing travel hacks and favorite counties, but digging deeper into the change that happens within from living one's authentic life and choosing the path less traveled. The good, bad, and often ugly side of doing you!

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Where are we now?

Hello from Thailand. Still hunkering down on work and school, but we did have a big, exciting trip yesterday to the hospital! Nothing dramatic, just a massive annual check-up that has not been done annually in a long time. We had everything checked at a one-stop-shop, full-service hospital. I can’t wait to share more about this in a future vlog and podcast, but for now, I will just marvel at how cute Will looks in his scrubs.

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