Our "last" summer!
SouthEast Asia for the win
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Hello friends,
Phew! This one might be hard on the heart or a slap in the face, either way, I hope you find value in it as I wrote it directly from my mama heart to yours. I am have reached the end with one child, now looking back over 18 years, and wow, yep, we have all heard it before…it goes by so fast. If you have been around here for a while you know that I am always talking about how we have 18 years with our kids. 18 family holidays, 18 birthdays, and 18 summers. Yes, they are our kids forever, but according to the stats we will have spent 90% of the time we will spend with them in a lifetime by the time they are 18. 90%!!!
I have been a bit MIA here and on social media the past 10 weeks as I am hyper-aware that this was our…
LAST summer.
Remember when you had young kids or maybe you are in the young kid phase currently and you reflect on a moment in time and get a bit nostalgic because you had no idea it was the LAST? The last time they woke up at night, the last time they nursed, the last time you changed a diaper, the last time they held your hand in public, I could go on and on and then we would all be crying, right? Most of these lasts we never knew was a last at the moment. How many of us would trade a year of our life for just one more snuggle with our newborn or even to change a dirty diaper?
A long time ago a veteran mom told me to watch for the lasts, and recognize when they were coming so I could savor every moment instead of dreading another shitty diaper with poop coming out the sides when I pulled them out of the car seat. So I focused on those lasts, so much so that I would say to Will, “he won’t wake up in the middle of the night forever and want to be in our bed” Ok, that one backfired a bit as Avalon wanted her own bed from about 12 weeks and at 18 months, 2 years, 3 years and more, Largo was still coming into ours. And yes, he now sleeps in his own bed, we did eventually have a last.
Those “lasts” are why we started our full-time travel life back in 2014 and never returned to the USA. Our big, profound “why” for doing this was because we recognized time was fleeting and we only got 18 years. We wanted more time as a family, memories over stuff and to educate our children about the world out in it. No regrets baby, it has not always been easy going against the norm, we have experienced hurt and loss, but what we went into this for has been a grand success…FAMILY and the bond we all now share. I am so grateful that we have had the privilege to live life on our terms, because yes it is a privilege that I have never taken for granted. Not even an ounce.
In our WorldTowning life, we often have a moderate idea of what a year in the future looks like, especially now with high schoolers (and a university teen) who are taking exams, college classes, making plans with friends, having businesses, and living on a boat. We have to plan much more than the days of art classes and afternoon excursions. As a result, I knew going into this summer that next summer would look very different with Largo in the USA for 3 months while he gets his Private Pilots License and Avalon having an internship in her field. So what does this mean?
This was our LAST summer, just the four of us for an extended period of time. The VERY LAST!
Yes, there will be a month here and there for Christmas break (if we are lucky) and two weeks here and there in the summer, but 8 weeks, just us, adventuring and having long dinners and deep conversations, unlikely. They are spreading their wings and we intend to fully support this. We are on the cusp of a new season where we go to them for visits and live in their environment. Will and I both look forward to this new era, but for now, we wanted to soak up all the last bits of this final season.
One of my friends got what I call a “bonus summer” as her eldest graduated college and was home for several months, as were her other two younger kids. She said it was great. If we get one of these I will think of it as a magical gift, but what if we don’t? As a result, this became termed the “last summer,” everything was strategic including a modified work schedule that gave us more time with them on their terms.
Let’s talk about this “on their terms” comment. No, they did not make demands, but Will and I looked at their wants and needs and when aligning the travel and adventures of the summer we took these into deep consideration. BTW, I truly believe this is THE KEY to why our teens have always loved full-time travel and never wanted to quit it. We let them have a voice and we have always honored each other's desires. If you live with teenagers you know that they have big minds and equally big dreams and goals. My idea when thinking about the summer was to give them space for their goals and personal needs (and travel needs) while still having time for all of us together. Compromise! We are a Democracy, not a dictatorship. We all compromise so everyone gets some of what makes them happy. What did this mean for Avalon and Largo?
No early mornings. They both have plenty of that during the school year.
Time to talk with their friends. Again, no early mornings because with the time change, they were up late with friends.
Space to work on their businesses. This means a literal workspace and ample time to grow them and work with current clients. IE: Not over-scheduling with activities.
Space to pursue other goals. IE: working out, building new clubs at uni (more on this one), reading, dreaming big, etc
Sibling alone time.
Oh and just a detail, we have been in Vietnam and Cambodia this summer.
And what did Will and I want out of the summer?
A couple of profound adventures which lasted multiple days, that everyone was excited about and that took us all deeper than just several hours making lanterns together. Although that was a great experience and we had many other smaller experiences we also wanted to add monumental ones to the memory bank. And some new firsts for all of us: the first sleeper train, the first overnight sleeper bus, the first communist country, and a couple of unmentionables.
No cooking, no cleaning, no errands, no boat work. This “last” summer was one of the handful of reasons we are taking a boat pause, I will discuss the rest in my next newsletter. All of the above would free up our time considerably so we could focus on work and family only.
Long, leisurely meals and loads of conversation. We wanted to let them talk, hear their thoughts, and laugh together all while having a profound cultural food experience. Some of my favorite memories from this summer happened at restaurants over deep conversations and big dreams.
Work. We needed to work which was relatively easy when they were sleeping in. We had to be flexible and it was not always easy working odd hours, but it was worth it. And we did work fewer hours on all aspects of our business and even vlogged less as the focus was family.
For our teens to feel safe and heard.
And to keep within our budget! We succeeded. Phew!
We are typically a very social family, but none of us wanted that this summer. Yes, we had a couple of encounters, however, overall we just wanted time together the four of us. Avalon had a month before she joined us in Asia adventuring in Hawaii and doing a 3-week course in NYC so she was ready for some less social time. Largo had just finished a rigorous school year and helped us prepare the boat for her rest time which is no small task. Our teens needed “them” time and rest which we were happy to provide.
This summer feels like the end of a decade for the four of us together and the bridge to the next phase. Yes, Largo is still with us for another 3 years and we will continue in the same way, because, hey IT WORKS! But as did Avalon his goals are becoming grander and we have full intentions of slowing travel (not stopping or moving back to the US-don’t worry) when necessary to honor his goals just like we did with his sister. Remember when Avalon and I went to Spain for her to take APs or the time she got her own apartment in France to study? We will do the same for Largo’s career goal needs.
Last night we took Avalon to the airport here in Cambodia. They don’t allow families in the airport unless you have a boarding pass. As I stood outside the window crying and watching her navigate her way I knew we had done all we could in these years leading up to the “last” summer. I knew I had no regrets as to this path, yet I still stood there with tears in my eyes because no matter how old they get or how much you know they are so capable you still miss those 18 summers that are now memories. And in the midst of my deep reflection, the security guard tapped me on the shoulder and said, “You can go in.” I think he was reading my mind and maybe he too was on his last summer. So we got 10 more minutes with her and one more kiss. So that last kiss outside the terminal was not the last! I hope you all get one more “last” of whatever it is you desire.
Summer 2023, SouthEast Asia or bust!
Thank you so much for being here and supporting my writing. There is still more I have not shared about this summer, if only there were more hours in the day. Hopefully, I can get to all the stories in the next couple of weeks. Are you struggling with a last? Did you just drop someone off at daycare for the first time or maybe even college? Or is your teen leaving earlier than those 18 years for a study abroad program? Big hugs! I can feel you. Would love to hear your thoughts on the lasts in your life in the comments below.
xoxo,
Jessica
Join us in Peru
Join us to hike 4 days to Machu Picchu through the Andes mountains! Bam!
This is the trip that was postponed last year because of the closing of Machu Picchu and now we are heading there. Yippie!
On our first day we will jump right into learning about the local culture and the once-powerful Inca Empire. You will find your days in Cusco to be an ignition of all of your senses. Colorful textiles keep the past vivid, as do the wild fiestas and carnivals where indigenous tradition meets solemn Catholic ritual. Our group will step into the culture by trying our hand at weaving, cooking dishes, immersing ourself at a local artisan and food market and then each night we will round out the day with a taste of magic that makes Peruvian food an international favorite.
Next we will venture into the wild for 4 days/4 nights of hiking in the lush green cloud forest of the Andes mountains. We will traverse vast peaks and steep mountain passes viewing landscapes dotted with centuries old ruins, accessible only to those that follow this most famous pathway. As truly beautiful as the hike may be, the real reason for its popularity lies at the very end of this four day adventure; passing through the Sun Gate for that first magical sighting of the UNESCO World Heritage Site Machu Picchu in the distance. Only Inca Trail hikers can access the Gate at sunrise, and it is this crescendo, at one of the new seven wonders of the world which makes this hike a feature on most peoples bucket lists.
Join us and your fellow WorldTowning Voyagers for seven days of learning, eating, smelling, hiking, crafting and more in Peru! Explore with us, using a purposefully designed itinerary that maximizes exposure to the best parts of the culture: food, art, crafts, favorite pastimes and meeting the locals.
5 spots left!
Where are we now?
Hello from Cambodia! Angkor Wat to be exact (pictured). We only have 4 days left here and most of those will be catching up on work stuff, but wow, what a time we had. I will write a whole post about one of the monumental firsts we did here that will be part of our life forever! And yes, when you wake up at 4am to go to a temple and you get dressed in the dark you sometimes end up twinning. Ha!
To learn more about us, our mission, and our business you can visit us at WorldTowning. To view our most recent group trip offerings head on over to WorldTowningvoyages.com. If you are interested in booking a coaching session to realize your travel dream, schedule it here. If you want to follow the travels of our WorldTowning family, you can find us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok
This was in my email this morning! Today marks a heavenly 40th birthday for our son who we lost 3 years ago. What I wouldn’t give to still have many many more ‘lasts’ with him.
Yes when our children become adults there are so many lasts but also for each last is a first. Watching them dance with the love of their life, their wedding, grand children.
I understand your article and it is all true but you have a whole new way of life starting seeing your daughter fly her wings, your relationship evolving to a new level.
Being present in each others life’s enjoy the moments and pray that life is kind allowing you the firsts and lasts of your children for a lifetime.
The only real last is grief!
Isn't parenthood bittersweet? '18 summers' isn't a new concept to me, as parent of a now 13-year-old it's often on my mind. I hadn't heard the 90% statistic though, wow, and ouch. My daughter is now very independent in some ways and less so in others, but I totally felt your thoughts about lasts and not knowing when the last is. I guess that's the same for every relationship in our lives? You never know when that last is coming and so you try to stay as present as you can with those moments. I wish I had known the last time my daughter would reach out for my hand - then again maybe I am glad I didn't know! And Sharon's comments below resonate so strongly with me too - it's a privilege isn't it to see our children go out into the world in that new phase and to build a new, different bond with our adult children. As I navigate what's proving to be a difficult phase with my daughter, this all reminds me to hold onto these moments now as best I can, even the tough ones x