It's not about Ageism
Peru trip cancelled!
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I recently joined a Facebook group on the recommendation of a friend. It is a group geared towards women over 50. I am 50 now and thought, what the heck? In full disclosure, I left the group because I felt a bit of judgment on younger generations (20-30s) in many posts and that did not sit well with me. Another friend encouraged me to rejoin and convinced me that this was not the overall energy of the group. I gave it another shot.
The post that sent me over the edge and had me commenting (which I hardly ever do on FB) was done by a woman, disgruntled because she felt the receptionist at her accommodations had a bad attitude. When she told the receptionist she did not make her feel welcome the receptionist said, “you don’t have to stay here, it’s a backpackers hostel.” The guest then claimed ageism even though there was no insinuation or mention of her age from the receptionist, nor was she denied accommodations. She then proceeded to share this on a public forum and get everyone all riled up. She was allowed to stay at the hostel so clearly, they did not have an age restriction. She felt unheard and that sucks, but this is not ageism.
I wanted to understand ageism a bit more so I went to Google and typed in ageism. According to the World Health Organization ageism refers to stereotypes (how we think), prejudice (how we feel), and discrimination (how we act) towards others or oneself based on age. The term was coined in 1969 by Robert Neil Butler to describe discrimination against seniors. In 1976 in a pamphlet published by Youth Liberation of Ann Arbour, it was discussed that ageism also included older people's ageist feelings towards the younger generations. It came in the form of denying them certain rights and privileges usually reserved for adults such as the right to vote, run for political office, refuse medical treatment, sign contracts, and so forth.
Getting back to the Facebook post I referred to earlier, I have never been a fan of “stirring the shit” just because I don’t like the outcome. Uncomfortable situations happen all the time when traveling and, although I am a firm believer in honoring emotions, fanning the flame of discrimination does not solve the problem.
Instead, I offer the following:
Solution #1, tell the truth, not assumptions
Ageism is a serious problem.
Globally, 1 in 2 people are ageist against older people and in Europe, younger people report more perceived ageism than other age groups. Ageism remains largely invisible despite its wide reach and negative impact on individuals and society.
~ World Health Organization (WHO)
As serious as this problem is we can’t just be crying wolf because we encounter grumpy employees or our feelings are hurt. Travel is not perfect and we will encounter cranky employees, it happens. And believe me, if there was a reference to her age I would be the first to call it ageism, but there was no mention of it in the post, just an assumption. In addition, she was allowed to sleep there without any objections.
Solution #2, think the best, not the worse.
There are several scenarios I would have thought of first regarding the receptionist, way before ageism.
The receptionist hates her job and is like this to everyone. Not ok, but very possible.
No one complains at a hostel because this is what you get when you want to pay less and sleep in bunk houses. If you complain you might be considered too demanding for hostel life regardless of age and reminded of where you are. It is not the Four Seasons and one needs to know the services will reflect that. For example, happy, welcoming receptionist versus “what do you want, I am on my phone.”
How was my attitude when I entered? Was I tired and cranky after a long day of carrying my pack and my energy toward her reflected that? Did we get off to a bad start? Could I have easily remedied this with a smile and some humor?
When we post something and don’t tell the truth, embellish, etc it can cause so many other people to jump on the bandwagon and then create a huge mess and this is exactly what happened with her post. Last time I checked (before they closed comments) there were close to 600 responses and only a couple of them addressed how she was not discriminated against because of her age and she was allowed to sleep there.
There were 100s and 100s of comments in one variation or another that fed the monkey and assumptions. Which in turn created a massive hate and vengeance train towards the younger generation for no valid reason.
Report the hostel to the authorities.
Get the receptionist fired.
Review the hostel on every possible platform and ruin them.
So many comments putting down the younger generations it was frightening. “They don’t have wisdom.” “When she is our age I hope it gets her.” “Wait until her beauty fades.” I even had one woman comment to me “see me when you’re 66 and let me know if you feel the same.”
This part was so much more disturbing to me than the lady who cried ageism, however, I guess she is not all to blame. Close to 600 women were eager to throw this receptionist and the younger generation under the bus, get her fired, and drag down a business on the premise that one woman “thought” the receptionist was unkind and then termed it ageism without one reference to age.
How many times have we all been to a hotel/hostel/riad/B and B/airbnb where the person in charge has treated us poorly? It happens more than it does not. It is not ok, but unless there is a direct comment about age and withholding of accommodations as a result, we can’t start pulling that card because we feel hurt by how someone is welcoming us (or not welcoming us in this case).
Solution #3, be the light, not the antagonist.
Aren’t we supposed to be more evolved at this point? I’m 50. I am not any wiser than someone younger. I learn so much every, single day from the younger generations and I am grateful. They keep me ageless, current, and good. Gosh, they keep me so good! I respect pronouns, honor emotions, and give and take in conversations all because of them and their level of patience, understanding, and willingness to educate us older ladies.
The younger generations have given me more than I could have ever imagined. And now I feel the compulsion to be on their team and give back. Pay it forward. Ladies (and men) these younger gals need us in their court, the world is tough. They need us helping them fight the good fight against sexism and all the other shit we women have to deal with. It is not “old against young”, it is all of us as team girl.
Now what I have yet to mention is that this particular FB group where the post was shared, has its own set of discriminations:
You must be over 50.
You must be a female. No mention of you can identify as female.
You must be a solo traveler.
I then decided to take to Google again and find some information on ageism against the youth sometimes referred to as youngism. There was very little mentioned of it as most of the studies were focused on seniors. I had to specifically Google “youth ageism” to get anywhere. One of the big surprises I learned was Glassdoor released a 2019 diversity and inclusion survey in the U.S., UK, France, and Germany that found younger employees (52% of ages 18-34) are more likely than older employees (39% of ages 55+) to have witnessed or experienced ageism at work. I had always been told the opposite. Having raised two kids, with an 18 year old out in the world I can tell you that the ageism against the youth is prominent. I am a bit perplexed to why there is so little research and literature on it and saddened that socially we think it is ok to restrict a young adults rights when they are clearly of sound body and mind to take on such endeavors in life.
When I pointed out that our 50+ FB group in itself is discriminatory very few women could see that, but they were quick to defend our group and its restrictions. Below are a couple of their defenses. It is ok in their eyes to have groups who don’t allow those who think differently and of different ages if it benefits them, but when younger generations do it, it is ageism.
“The 20-40s seem to be looking for parties, private photographers for photos of themselves, and hook-ups! The 40-60 ish women are a lot of new empty nesters, newly divorced and/or newly on their own....are looking for great adventures and others to share that with, and are looking for budget ideas.”
“People seek to travel with those with similar interests or ways of traveling. Seeking a 50+ group may be wise because we tend to slow down as we age and the group is more likely to match the pace we prefer.”
According to the International Perspectives book series on aging from 2018, ageism is derived from the desire of the young and middle-aged groups to distinguish themselves from and elevate themselves above the old age groups in order to create a positive unique identity based on their own age group. Isn’t this just what we are doing in our 50+ FB group above? I tried to find information on why adults would be ageist towards the youth. Yet again there really are few studies done on this, the most I found was that discrimination against children and youth is caused by the bias adults have for other adults that causes them to discriminate against young people. So nothing substantial. Disappointing because if we could identify why the older generations discriminate against the younger we could maybe make some progress is remedying it.
I am in two all-women FB groups and there is a consistent desire from these ladies for:
Sections on airplanes without kids. I have even seen a lot who think kids should not even be allowed on airplanes.
Adult-only resorts.
Women only, over 50, senior, etc group trips.
So if we as women are going to behave this way why are we so surprised when these younger generations might not want us around?
There will always be a generation who will follow us and change the world. This is the best part about being human. We want better for ourselves and our future and the youth are the ones with the energy and the stamina to make it happen. As we get older, our ability to see, embrace and be the change gets less and less and routine is at the epicenter of our life. So what happens when we see and are confronted with environments which are geared (but not exclusive) toward younger generations, we feel marginalized. This is the cycle of life. We all want to be heard and be relevant. I get it. But when you check yourself into a backpacker’s hostel, the experience will most likely be a little less comfortable than a 5-star hotel. You might encounter a cranky receptionist. It’s not personal. As we grow older and more experienced, we should have the sense of self to understand that comfort is not the end goal (although it may be appreciated), it’s enlightenment…and complaining that a backpacker’s hostel is what it is, is not enlightenment - it’s privilege…and it is definitely not ageism.
We should all strive to be the person that would make our younger self proud.
*I do recognize ageism exist towards the old AND the young, but not in this situation.
Another trip was cancelled because of Civil Unrest.
Oh, Peru. On Sunday night we cancelled our Peru group trip hiking to Machu Picchu because of civil unrest and the closing of the famous Machu Picchu. If you have been following the media you know that they have had some tough times, loads of protests, and stranded tourists as a result. Last week they extended their state of emergency and closed MP. Since we are 5 weeks away from our trip we had to make the hard decision, again. We have had to cancel two France trips, two Morocco trips, and now Peru as a result of Covid, the war in Ukraine, and now civil unrest. It is not fun. Two of those trips were only 5 weeks before happening. It is heartbreaking to get on that Zoom video call and see their faces. They always know what is coming.
We have decided to reschedule it for Sept 13-20, 2023. Our current guests are checking their schedules to see if Sept works. The extra spaces we have will be open for registration on Friday. I know for sure we have at least 3 spots thus far. Peru sold out in less than a week last time so if you want one be ready to register on Friday.
You can see all the details here. Feel free to message me if you have any unanswered questions. We look forward to having you join us. This is a bucket list trip! We will not offer it again as we will be on the other side of the world with the boat.
Thank you for joining us today. I would love to hear your thoughts, personal experiences, etc on ageism (old and young) or anything else for that matter. Have a fabulous week. See you back here next week to talk about guns!
Where are we now?
Back in the San Blas islands of Panama living off octopus and crab for the next 3 weeks. For real time updates catch us on IG.
To learn more about us, our mission, and our business you can visit us at WorldTowning. To view our most recent group trip offerings head on over to WorldTowningvoyages.com. If you are interested in booking a coaching session to realize your travel dream, schedule it here. If you want to follow the travels of our WorldTowning family, you can find us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok
Sorry to hear about all the cancelled trips. It’s a lesson in adaptability for us.