Is it complaining or having an opinion?
The silencing of women!
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Stop complaining (aka stop having an opinion)
If you are new here you might not know that we have a YouTube channel. Surprise! The channel shares our travel lifestyle we call WorldTowning and what that looks like from adventure to schooling to the emotional aspect and even more. It has truly been a joy to create and share this alternative lifestyle so others can see it is possible. A family can thrive when living their authentic path. Yes, it has taken a lot of hard work, some luck, some tears, some loss, and more hard work, but we made it, the goal was one year of full-time travel and now we are in our 9th year. We are grateful for those of you who have read our thoughts, watched our lives, consulted with us, joined a group trip, become patrons and more. This community we have all created together has brought us tremendous joy, especially in those dark times when we know you have our back. Thank you.
When one decides to share their life on media (specifically YouTube) for everyone to see and comment on one must be very thick-skinned. I am thick-skinned now, but in the beginning, some of the awful things people would say were hard to digest. Luckily, 99% of the people in our community are kind and supportive, but that 1% can be terribly ugly and scary at times. We have had people comment on the shallow stuff like how I should act my age and get rid of the pink to the extreme…death threats or telling us we will/should die at sea. I take the approach to these comments as a reflection of the commenter's own inner issues and not a reflection on us and I ignore them. The one exception is when they go after AvaLar and then I go all mamma bear on them and attempt to rip their heart out, online style.
Well, there is a new sheriff in town and it’s called…stop complaining. In the last year or two, there has been a new comment I am seeing on our YouTube channel more frequently. This stop complaining comment is always directed towards me and always a comment from what appears to be a male, the females have always preferred to comment on my appearance. Will can say the same sentence as me on YouTube (and often has), yet crickets, but if I say it, it’s labeled complaining. And in most cases, I am not complaining (I will own up if I am complaining), I am just stating the facts of what is going on and how I am feeling about it. Our new travel lifestyle, a boat, is not an easy life (neither is a full-time land travel life) and sometimes life sucks and sometimes it is bonkers awesome, it just depends on the day and the situation. However, I refuse to pretend it is all unicorns and rainbows, as this helps no one including our family so yes, I share the real and I definitely have an opinion.
There is a culture on travel YouTube channels where many of the women do a lot of smiling, laughing (and cooking) and the men get to have real opinions and thoughts. It drives me crazy!!! And I refuse to be part of a system that wants women to shut up and look pretty while men can have something to say, as a result, I must live with the “stop complaining” comment on our channel, but it has caused me pause to take a deeper look into why I am getting this comment now? I am not behaving any different than I always have and we have been on social media and YT for 7+ years.
Is the world changing? Is it the sailing community? Are YouTube viewers becoming more chauvinistic?
I was raised in a house where I was not treated differently because I was a girl. I married a man who does not think he is better because he is male. I am raising a son who values women and their opinions and thoughts. But, I think we can all agree the world and the USA seems to be heading into a very dark space when it comes to women’s rights and this worries me. Silencing the women and their complaining (aka thoughts) via insult could just be one more attempt to reduce our rights and our voice.
Or maybe it is just that we have a lot of sailing community followers now versus our previous land/rv travel days. Sailors have a reputation for being chauvinistic which I can conquer, of course, I will not generalize and say “all” are like this, but it is prominent. We have met some amazing men in the sailing world, but we have also met some straight-up assholes who hate women, more so than we have ever met in our pre-sailing WorldTowning land travel life, by far. It is actually the thing I like the least about the sailing community, but luckily we get to choose who we hang with and we find our people.
So, here is the bigger question. Are you being accused of complaining in your life when you are just having opinions that are not being received well by others? Is this something you are seeing more prominent in the last year or two? I would love to hear your thoughts on this because even though we are global and travel the world we still live in micro bubbles as well. Let’s get a healthy ongoing conversation happening where the thoughts and opinions of women are not labeled complaining or even worse bitching.
Have you been accused of complaining, being demanding, too assertive, bitching when you are just having an opinion about something? How did you respond? Would love your thoughts in the comments below.
Have a fabulous week and thank you for being here.
xoxo,
Jessica
Merch on sale
We are cleaning out our merch and making room for some new products. We have hoodies and kids t’s left at a discount.
Hoodies: Small, XL and 2 XL for $25 USD and $10 shipping
Kids t-shirt: $5 USD and $5 shipping
Drop me an email if you are interested jessica@worldtowning.com
Where are we now?
Still in Vietnam, but our time here is coming to an end, only 2 more days when we started with 30. This country has truly been so interesting to visit and we will definitely be back, maybe even sooner than later. We have one final food tour via vespa and then it is the bus to Cambodia! Have you been to Cambodia? What should we see, do and eat?
To learn more about us, our mission, and our business you can visit us at WorldTowning. To view our most recent group trip offerings head on over to WorldTowningvoyages.com. If you are interested in booking a coaching session to realize your travel dream, schedule it here. If you want to follow the travels of our WorldTowning family, you can find us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok
Yes Jessica! ! I fully agree about the stop complaining. In our world women are seen as complaining, usually by men (because they feel threatened, are immature or narcissistic). Women often state the truth or facts which men in our culture don’t want to hear. I find the men who use this line often do not want to hear the truth which is man-code for “I don’t want to hear your statement as I might have to consider it better than mine” or “ I don’t want to hear you as I might have to consider your female opinion is right and I have to grow up”. With the loss of laws to protect women’s rights, removal of books from schools and the rise of patriarchal-based organized religion brainwashing people in our society, the movement is at an all time high to convince society all women and their thoughts and feelings should be ignored and marginalized and suppressed or even patronized so we will “be quiet….or shut up”. Our male dominated societies have always had a frail psyche afraid of growing women strength and the world has been build on suppressing it. Even organized religious based stories of creation were created to portray man as superior while women are the ones who caused the fall from grace. This is sad but true….a full thesis could be written on this patriarchal man view that has formed societies and cultures.
Yes! after working as a veterinarian for 25 years, Yes! the expectations of men and woman are just plain different. If a man is gentle, talks softly to the pet or listens attentively and patiently to the owner, he gets the doctor of the year award! Well come on, that just comes naturally to woman, right? compassion, empathy, listening, caring, connecting, communicating, reassuring, noticing, and supporting aren't skills for woman, but just easy and natural expressions of their womanhood, right? or should be. are exepcted to be. It's the same BS with motherhood.
I could write a book on the monetization and institutionalization of compassion and care in our society and the damage it does to thoses called to help. Bottom line. If you are called to be useful to others in this world, prepare to be used. No really. Prepare for it and expect it and learn to protect yourself from it. We don't do this well. Not doing it well benefits too many. And yes, I am smiling and wearing a bikini while I write this.
Why the disprepancy? it's my opinion that woman are covertly and overtly messaged that their main social purpose if to create harmony, cohesion and comfort and to be pleasing (mostly to those with power), even if that means dressing in a bikini and heels around the boat , all while sporting a plastic (this makes you non threatening) smile, or laughing at an uncomfortable joke...right to not creating a scene or being disagreeable by moving the presidents/director/boss hand off your knee (or worse). Bottom line: don't create any social wrinkles, and iron out those created by others at all cost to self. Not doing so threatens your belonging to the group. Beloinging to the group is necessary to your survival...Political, social, physical, financial etc etc
Keep keeping it real Jessica. You are brave not thick skinned-- IMHO. Because eventually, good people leave toxic spaces. which may be why we are seeing a highter concentratin of toxicity in public spaces. good people are leaving. For their own healing and/or because their only stand is to no longer be complicit in their showing up. My preditcion. It will get a whole lot worse before it gets better. the good news, it's never been easier to see the dysfuntion. We've given it a megaphone. We just haven't figured out what to do about it...but we will.
thank you to all for sharing their thoughts.