How We Tackle Big Decision

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Thank you for your paid subscription. We are so happy you value what we are sharing in this space. I know I am enjoying engaging with each of you on a more personal level. We will still continue to share 4 newsletters a month, but two will be only for paid subscriptions and will focus on topics you would like me to share more about. Yes, you get to decide what I write about for one of those newsletters per month. Feel free to drop a topic in the comments or PM me. No topic is taboo or too personal. We are going to have so much fun here.

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Decision fatigue, it sure is real

Will: Where do you want to go for dinner?
Jess: I don’t care.

Will: What time do you want to leave in the morning?
Jess: I don’t care.

Will: I am going to walk down the street naked!!!
Jess: I don’t care.

Will: Jess, did you hear what I just said?
Jess: Yes, you were talking about dinner.

Some days really look like this. If you know me, you know I am not a tell me what to do and where to go and I will follow obediently kind of gal. However, living this WorldTowning lifestyle lends itself to my need to recharge by way of NOT making any decisions. Often this will come in the form of no one in the family being able to decide where we want to go to dinner because the whole family has decision-making fatigue. Then we just ask a stranger or one of us will say “here” to whatever is right beside us at the time. It works, but what happens when we have bigger decisions to make than where to eat?

Today I would like to chat about decision fatigue and how we go about making big decisions when we are already quite exhausted. Recently we made a big decision to change the course of our travels for the next 9 months. Instead of crossing the Pacific Ocean to French Polynesia in less than a month from today, we decided to spend part of the year sailing Mexico and then cross to French Polynesia in early 2024. The reason(s) why are quite lengthy and not all worked out yet so I won’t be sharing this today, but trust me when I say it was not an easy decision and it came at the worst possible time. A time when we were already incredibly fatigued with making decisions far more complex than where to go to dinner.

I have been humbly transparent on social media about my decision fatigue over the last several weeks. Of course, there have been a few haters calling me whiny and unappreciative of our privileged lifestyle, but overall the majority has sent an outpouring of support, and helpful tips and commented that they are in the same position and it is comforting knowing they are not alone. Traveling or not, we all get decision-making fatigue to one degree or another. I hope by sharing how we tackle big decisions it will bring value to any of you who are in the midst of a big decision during a less-than-opportune time.

I was in Barcelona recently building a future trip releasing tomorrow (yippie). I was spending my days taking to the streets testing out restaurants and scouring for the perfect accommodations, popping into coffee shops along the way to take care of WorldTowning business, catching up with friends over dinner, and then returning to my hotel after 12-15 hours on my feet to sleep, ah no. For three straight days, I would brush my teeth, get comfy in my bed, and Facetime Will. Now, the last thing I recommend is having these big decision conversations at 11 pm at night. Never. But, we were dealt the cards we had and we needed to work with our deck. These three days felt overwhelming, exhausting, and a bit helpless if I am to be honest which leads me to how we set ourselves up for success when tackling big things. Don’t do what I did in Barcelona, unless you are left with no other option like us.

Set yourself up for success before you start the process:
-Getting plenty of sleep. Rule #1.
-Exercise. Move your body while you talk, while you process, and while you decide.
-Eat healthily. Avoid caffeine, sugar, and alcohol. Although several margaritas started our travel journey decision over a decade ago, we will keep that between us.
-Before you start, remember to let each decision-making partner have a voice.

Although every decision has its own set of obstacles and deliverables we have pretty much stuck to the same formula for the last 8+, before 2014 decisions were mostly focused on the financial gain and upward growth in our portfolio and corporate lives, a story for another time. A good one that I hope to share.

The formula we use to make big decisions. You can steal it!

The Why Matters
When we started traveling in 2014 we sat down and discussed “why” we wanted to completely change our lifestyle, life was not bad so what was so profound that we were willing to sacrifice everything for the unknown. For us, it was Avalon and Largo and that broke down into three areas. First, we wanted to strengthen our family bond and the kid's connection to each other. Second, we wanted to create memories over buying stuff. Finally, we wanted to educate them about the world, in the world. This why has dictated every decision we have made in life since 2014. When we are at a crossroads we say, “are we currently honoring our why? Will this decision (or change in our life) honor our why?

I would go as far as to say that our “why” is responsible for at least 80% of the decision we choose, followed by finances, logistics, health/self-care/wellness.

How do Avalon and Largo feel about this?
We are a democracy, not a dictatorship. The kids get a voice. Over the years we have slowly allowed that voice to tackle greater decisions. It started with allowing them to dress themselves as young as age 2 and progressed to them choosing which country we would live in, Spain or France. They chose France and so we moved from Ecuador to the south of France many years ago. Will and I believe the single most parenting decision that has led us to last almost a decade as WorldTowners with teenagers has been giving them a voice. They know they are heard, not only are they heard but we always find a compromise if they are not happy with the choice we want to make

We go old school with a + and – list.
Yes, we still use this method. Seeing it all written out often gives us even more clarity if we are still struggling. Several months ago we made the positive and negative list. The positive list had 10 items, all the things most people want including a very large $$$ payout. The negative list only had one item on it. Easy peasy, well, not so much. That one item was powerful and something we were not willing to sacrifice even for all the gold in the world. The negative was less time with Largo. We have 3 years left with him. We are not willing to sacrifice even 1 year for 10 positives. I don’t have to tell you what we chose. Most would say against our better judgment, but now sitting on the other end of parenting with a kid in college and having a great relationship with her I can say this…THE TIME SPENT ON THEM is NEVER LOST even if your bank account could have been bigger.

We enlist help
There is no need to go it all alone, especially when there are those who have gone before you. Ask for help. We have been full-time travelers for 8+ years, there is a lot we know and there is a lot we still don’t know. Asking for help is not a weakness, but a strength and a commitment to your why. While in Barcelona on the cusp of deciding where to sail next, we contacted our sailing mentors and friends Jamie and Behan of Sailing Totem. They helped us answer some big questions and they gave greater insight into a couple of our sailing plans, base on all their years of sailing experience. If you don’t have someone you can chat with then pay someone who is an expert in the area you are exploring. Just start asking around online and you will find someone.

And whatever you do, don’t listen to the opinions of those who have never done what you are embarking on. Never! Especially family and friends.

We talk about it relentlessly
This is very important, especially if you are embarking on any travel-related lifestyle adventure or change. Exhaust the topic and then exhaust it some more. Very few decisions in this travel lifestyle are decided over coffee. Sleep on it and then start talking again the next day. Cancel your obligations. Schedule in time on the weekend. When we were in the planning stage for our launch to Costa Rica in 2013 we were struggling with decision fatigue. To paint the picture, we both worked full-time, parented, had work and social obligations and would only have time to go over the logistics of this full-time travel lifestyle we now call WorldTowning at 9 pm every night. We were younger and determined so it was not a struggle to hit it hard from 9 pm until midnight, but those bigger topics could not be decided at that hour. We scheduled a couple of weekend retreats where we left the kids with my parents, hunkered down with excel and the internet, and put in 12-hour days starting at 7 am. I cannot emphasize the importance of dissecting a decision. Break it apart until you are sitting with crumbs and then slowly put that cookie back together with your favorite frosting.

We pretend we are 80. What would we say to ourselves about this decision?
It might seem daunting now, in the middle of the decision, but what will your 80-year-old self say? Will they say, “what the hell are you waiting for, go live? One day you will be sitting in your lazy boy wishing you had a risk to take.” When we lived in Costa Rica one of the first interviews I did asked me how we made this bold decision to leave everything behind. We must have no fear. My response was “I have a ton of fear, fear of regret, fear of the time escaping me. Fear that one day I will wake up and my body won’t cooperate. A fear I’ll see others living the life I wanted, but was too scared to go after. Fear the example I set for my kids will be that of playing it safe and they will go on to live unfulfilled lives. I have so much fear, but it all revolves around regret.” Regret is a powerful emotion, I might even go as far as to say “the most powerful.” What will you say yes or no to today that you will regret at 80?

Decide fast on the small stuff and focus on the foundation
Big decisions often have some little decisions that accompany them. Don’t waste too much time on the small stuff, decide and move on so you have more time for the big decision. If you hang out with us for very long you will inevitably hear me say build the foundation, don’t worry about the roof right now. There are many roof options, but if you screw up that foundation, those roofs are all coming down no matter how well you researched and built them.

Celebrate
Many people will go through life taking the safe road and avoiding making decisions. It is hard and overwhelming and not everyone is up for it. When you draw that line in the sand pat yourself on the back. Own that decision. Celebrate it. Reflect on your process and then MOVE FORWARD. Don’t dwell on it. Don’t second-guess yourself. Definitely don’t listen to other's opinions about your choices. Put it to bed and look to the future and the next big decision because if you are doing something worth doing there will be other big decisions to follow. You now have your bag of tricks and you know how this goes, you will be better equipped for the next one, and then the next one, and so forth.

I know our process of making a big decision is less conventional, but there are so many ways to do life. In the end, the key is to find what works for you and your family. If you can be happy with the outcome of this big decision then you are doing something right. Rinse and repeat that. Remember that you are not alone in this process. There are many of us out here finding our way in a sea of decision-making fatigue. You will make some mistakes along the way and you will recover. This is life, regardless of big decision-making or not.

I will leave you with this, which I find so simple, yet magical. One of our original clients and now good friends said “One crazy way of making a decision is to write down all options on little notes and pick one blindly... If you look at the choice and love it then do it. If you pick the note and kinda feel sorry for not getting something else, start over.”